The Strength To Be Soft
The Strength To Be Soft by Chris Fox
We’ve probably all heard sayings like ‘boys don’t cry’, ‘girls are too soft,’ or ‘you need to be strong’ and most likely it has affected us quite a lot, especially growing up. It’s like we have to hide certain parts of ourselves because we’ve been taught this way. And it is like that the meaning behind it has become diluted.
What Does it mean to You when You Hear the Words ‘You Need to be Strong’?
To me it had a sense of standing tall, not showing emotion, not showing fear, not being confused, and to be more resolute, more decisive, more loud, more stoic. And even worse, physically strong was a massive thing growing up, and I was always the skinny one that avoided any feats of physical strength. And growing up in a family where my mom worked from home and my father was mostly away, it created a lot of ideas within me of what a man and a woman SHOULD be.
So in regards to the theme on the strength to be soft, it is something that I’ve experienced and explored a lot in my adult life. That when I allow myself to be soft, instead of standing tall, I’ve learned how to allow myself to crumble. Instead of hiding my emotions, I let them flow out of me through words, movement, dance, journaling, and meditation. Instead of not showing fear, I give it willingly, vulnerably, and see how it changes and releases itself from me. Instead of rejecting confusion, I honor it, I let it run its course, I let it teach me what it needs to teach me. Instead of being resolute and decisive, I take my time, I weigh the options, I ponder upon the multitude of ways I can approach things. Instead of being loud, I let my voice quiver, I listen to the whispers and the softness within, and let that inner voice be heard instead. Instead of being stoic, I allow myself to sit with it, to let the emotions come, to know that it’s ok to go through hardship.
Secondly, physical strength for me today has a totally different meaning. Let me get a bit personal - and potentially weird - I know that most people don’t like the feeling of going to the dentist, if it’s polishing, drilling, pulling, prodding or poking, and I get it, that sounds really horrible, but I kind of like it! For me personally, that is a physical strength I possess and have experienced a lot of in my life. The same goes for tattoos, I like the sensation of getting ink done to a certain extent, the intense humming within and beneath my skin combined with the thousands of needle pokes that I have to endure, and at the same time, I’m not super fond of regular needles!
Strength is Personal, and Only Measurable in Our Own Individual Standards
Of course that can be projected onto others. But let’s see strength as less of an armor around our hearts, minds and bodies, and more how we can allow ourselves to dismantle this armor for ourselves and for others. And so, it’s a beautiful and powerful feat to lift something extremely heavy in front of the mirror, but have you stood completely bare and truly looked at yourself in the mirror without shying away, without judging, comparing, or criticising yourself?
It’s a strong and confident act to stand in front of thousands of people speaking of something you are passionate about, but have you exposed your true feelings or fears for a loved one, or dared to reach out to someone you wronged at some point?
If you are a yoga teacher and with your strong presence and knowledge you are inspiring your students, and yet, do you acknowledge your own struggles and give yourself the time to be the student too?
This is genuine strength for me, that we acknowledge our vulnerabilities, our emotions, our softness. When we approach people, situations - even ourselves - with softness, we show more of ourselves, we create more trust and humility, a vastness of opportunities, if you will. It is in the unraveling of the armor we’ve created that we see the true person beneath. The one who dares to be seen, heard and felt in the fullness of their entire self. The one who dares to say ‘I don’t know,’ instead of making something up, the one who says ‘I really like you,’ instead of holding it in in fear of rejection, the one that says ‘I need help’ instead of constantly taking on things no matter what.
Finding strength in softness isn’t always easy, it can be quite terrifying actually. Because we have to go in the opposite direction of that we thought was the way. Instead of projecting outward, we need to turn the focus inward. Instead of pushing through, we need to let go and soften into.
4 Things that You Can Do to Find Strength in Softness
1. Sit down and close your eyes. Let yourself melt into a comfortable seat. Now sit there for a couple of breaths. Let everything flow through you. Thoughts, emotions, physical sensations. Let them. And just notice how this feels.
2. Grab a pen and paper, write a letter to your younger self, telling them what you are up to now, tell them about all the love stories they will experience, the jobs they will come to love and maybe not love so much, the moments you loved that are coming, and the hardships that they will have to endure. How does it feel to speak to your younger self?
3. Put on some of your favourite slow music, close your eyes and breathe. Once you feel ready, let yourself be moved by the music. Let it take time, let yourself get lost in the dance and breath.
4. And lastly, this one is a great one. Remember that person that you kind of fell out of touch with? Or maybe it’s an ex-partner of yours, or an estranged relative that you had a strong connection with. Write them a letter. Not a letter that you intend on sending, but a letter where you can fully and wholeheartedly express yourself and what you felt happened. Let this letter be more of a letter for you, but as a way to dismantle this armor that has held you back from writing that letter.
So, strength is found in many ways, and softness is a major one. I hope that you let yourself be soft today, and tomorrow, and the day after. I hope that you recognise the strength in your vulnerability, in your emotional intelligence, and in your kindness towards other people. I see your strength, and I celebrate you in it! If you have anything you wish to share concerning this topic, I would love to hear from you.
About the Author
Chris Fox is a mobility specialist and movement coach focusing on joint health, body awareness, and how to reduce pain with active bodywork. With the Fox Method, he helps people to get a stronger connection to their body, by isolating joint awareness, activating body control, and integrating healthier movement habits.
If you want to work on your mobility and stability, increase more body awareness and reduce pain to feel more light and alive, you can contact Chris for a session: thisischrisfox@gmail.com
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