Gratitude For Solitude
Gratitude For Solitude by Chris Fox
This is a personal piece of me. And maybe it will resonate for you and you will recognise a lot within yourself in these words, or maybe you won’t but it will somehow make sense or give you some insight.
I’ve always had solitude as a close friend, since I was a child. Especially in my teenage years where I felt bullied and teased, I spent more time at home ditching school than I spent time being there. So in one sense, solitude wasn’t always chosen. I immersed myself in video games and movies, which eventually led me to writing fiction. In my twenties, I became more social and I was actually terrified of solitude. I just didn’t want to be alone, so I went out clubbing at least 3-4 times/week. And yes, for anyone that knows me, I was already sober back then, so that was always a topic for conversation in any drinking environment.
What I discovered about myself was my desire for safety, routines, and stability. If either of these were out of alignment, I wasn’t handling things very well. But it was the same kind of things that held me back from going deeper and learning more about myself. If I had the safety of a partner, I could always rely on them. If I had my routines, I never had to think outside of the box, and just continue doing what I needed to do. And with stability, I had an alright job or school to attend to knowing that I would be able to pay rent and buy groceries each month.
But somewhere within was a whisper, nestled in the back of my brain, calling out, beckoning, yearning for me to change. And at some point in my early thirties, I was in an unhealthy relationship, I was going to therapy, I was on and off social welfare and menial jobs, I was not in touch with my body, I had outgrown my social sphere, and I was wildly uninspired. So, one day, I made a decision to leave the relationship, move out, and start focusing on myself. And that brought me to discover yoga, I felt that the therapy I went to had run its course, I found new and interesting friends, I began working more, and made a decent living. And somewhere in the midst of it all, I started loving my solitude. It brought me closer to myself, like picking up your favourite book but reading it again to understand it better. And so, I made a plan to do what I’ve always wanted to but never dared to - move far far away from home.
What’s more challenging for someone who’s afraid of being alone, loves routines, safety, and stability than to get rid of everything they own, pack two suitcases of belongings, bring some savings and move to Bali? Well, that’s what I did. Challenge accepted.
I know that this was the best and biggest decision I’ve made in my life so far and I am so grateful for it. However, the course of Bali life never does run smooth, that’s for sure. Financial struggles, earthquakes, volcano eruptions, a global pandemic, but also vast beaches, waterfalls, jungles, love stories, dances, adventures, the most delicious food, and finding my passion for teaching body awareness.
And most importantly, a much deeper and more connected relationship to myself, constantly emerging in the most beautiful ways. Here I learned the true value of solitude, this dreaded fiend of a friend I had in my teens, that I despised and pushed away in my twenties, that I were on kinda good terms (but not really) in my thirties, and that I am now welcoming into my life more than ever stepping into my forties.
A solitude that allows me to feel more at peace with who I am, what I do, and what I wish to cultivate. A solitude that brings a sense of ease even in social situations, where I don’t feel forced to act a certain way, or that I can allow myself to sit and cry without feeling strange or feeling judged. A solitude where I can recognize the same sensation within someone else who is sitting by themselves and emanate full acceptance of their own company. This is the solitude that brings peace and awareness, the type of solitude that brings calmness onto others as well. Because this solitude doesn’t take away from others, it purely gives.
As I find myself going through another transitional phase at this very moment, a breakup, a renewal of my passion for teaching, writing, and creating, a newfound love for my physical practice, and a consistent meditation. I am honouring the parts of me that love safety, healthy routines, and stability once again. And they are now very different from before. Because they come more from within than from any other place, and that makes a way more stronger foundation to build upon.
Solitude is Now My Best Friend
I love waking up on my own in the mornings, I take a slow walk in the rice fields with the sunrise, I come back to meditate and reflect on what is happening in my body, my heart, and my mind, and then I journal about whatever came up for me. This is followed by my physical practice at the gym, and then my favourite breakfast. I can’t begin to express how valuable these moments are for me. It is the way I tend to my inner garden. To nourish the soil, to plant the seeds with devotion, to intimately connect with every part of myself. And that when I make my way to town, to work, to socialise, to interact with others, I do so when my cup is full.
I can still long for connection and being around people, that is just another way for me to fill up my cup too, but it’s not something I seek out as if I am lacking it. It is coming from a sense of peace and ease, because the more time I spend with myself, and dive deep into my mind, my heart, and my body, I am cultivating gratitude for solitude, and the better I know myself, the more fluid and free I become to express myself with others.
What is your own connection to solitude? What is your favourite thing to do on your own? Or do you struggle with being alone? Feel free to reach out if anything here resonated with you or you just want to share about your experiences. I am here to support.
About the author
Chris Fox is a mobility specialist and movement coach focusing on joint health, body awareness, and how to reduce pain with active bodywork. With the Fox Method, he helps people to get a stronger connection to their body, by isolating joint awareness, activating body control, and integrating healthier movement habits.
If you want to work on your mobility and stability, increase more body awareness and reduce pain to feel more light and alive, you can contact Chris for a session: thisischrisfox@gmail.com
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