Acknowledging a Larger Self
Acknowledging a Larger Self
Have you had that experience of being caught up in anxious thoughts, or a spiral of unworthiness when suddenly you catch a glimpse of the expansive sky or boundless ocean? In that experience of being given space from whatever you may have been obsessing over, maybe your breath catches and you remember that you are not this thought or this problem, who you are is something much bigger.
On the famous night that the Buddha sat under the Bodhi tree in meditation and deep inquiry into the nature of existence, he came to a simple but staggering insight: all of our sufferings come from believing that we are a small, separate, individual self. Many enlightened masters before and after the Buddha have all taught us this fundamental truth.
What is the self? We experience our sense of self as a conglomerate of familiar thought patterns, beliefs, memories, likes and dislikes, roles, and behaviors - all separate from the world around us. When our thoughts and feelings create our experience of “I” then it is natural that when things don’t go according to our plan the thought “this is bad or wrong” very easily turns into “I am bad. I am wrong.” When we experience fear we believe “I am a fearful person”. When we experience failure we believe “I am a failure.” When we experience loss we believe “I am not enough.”
How do We Escape from this Painful Cycle of Identifying with the Small Sense of Self?
As Adyashanti writes in True Meditation, “Before we actually find out what we are, we must first find out what we are not.” One of the most powerful tools across many spiritual traditions is the practice of Self-Inquiry. Asking ourselves the questions - “Who am I?”
The following practice can be done in silent contemplation or through journaling. Although this is not meant to be an intellectual activity - it can help to start with a pen to paper. Try making a list of all that arises when you ask yourself the questions, “Who am I?” Let yourself write all that comes to you without filtering in any way. When you feel complete with what you’ve written, go through each and ask again - “Is this really who I am?”
Let yourself go through your list and acknowledge each identification as not you. The beliefs, feelings, successes, failures, roles, thoughts, likes and dislikes, behaviors - none of them can be said to be who you really are. Our bodies have changed completely since our first experience of “this is me”. Beliefs can change through life. Thoughts and emotions can fluctuate minute to minute. Our successes and failures are all temporary. Given that all we identify with isn’t lasting - we can probably all agree that this isn’t who we really are.
What does that leave? You might feel confused or upset as you loosen your grip on this familiar sense of self. Let yourself feel that. Let yourself linger in that not knowing for some time and see what remains.
As You Linger You Might Touch Upon a Sense of “I” that Has Always Been.
From your earliest memory, your most painful experience, your greatest success, your fears, and your dreams - there is an “I” who is aware of all that you experience. There is an “I” who is aware at this moment as you read these words. We can call this “I” consciousness, pure awareness, the divine, your true nature, essence, or source. It is you that has always been, and will always be. It is you that is free from stories and identifications.
When you acknowledge that you are this larger self it is no longer possible to identify as the small separate self. When painful experiences happen in life you can let yourself feel that discomfort without holding it as “me or mine”. As you let your sense of self expand you create the possibility of freedom in every moment.
“Right here, right now.
Be absolutely still and notice… the experience of pure awareness… without resistance.
This attention is universal attention. It has no boundaries.
It is awake, pure, alive, and nurturing.
So dip into this awareness… rest in purity for one second… ten seconds… thirty seconds…
Keep diving in complete surrender, allowing whatever sensations to be and to move.
Keep resting in this place.
Soon you will see it is your home.
It is your essence.
Like an ice cube on the sea, you apparently melt into this ocean
and there’s only bliss… this bliss of freedom… of homecoming.
Right here, right now. Be absolutely still and notice… this experience of pure awareness.
Keep resting in this place. Soon you will see it is your home. It is your essence.”
-Kip Mazuy
Other topics that could interest you
