We All Want to be Kind - What is it that Gets in the Way?
We All Want to be Kind - What is it that Gets in the Way?
I don’t believe that anyone wakes up in the morning with the intention of being unkind. We all care about being kind. We all want a kinder world. And yet, how long do we make it through our day before we’ve had an unkind thought, snapped at someone, or spoken unkind words about someone.
So if we all want to be kind - what is it that gets in the way? Where do these judgments come from? Why is it so easy for us to get caught up in gossip or to criticize someone we love? Why is it so difficult for us to be kind?
“Basic Goodness” is a term coined by Tibetan spiritual teacher Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche to refer to our natural human tendency to care. It’s the longing to be kind to one another and the desire to belong to ourselves, the earth, and each other. When we are settled, at ease, feeling safe and supported it’s natural for us to trust our basic goodness. However anytime we feel threatened we are likely to get pushed into the survival mode of “fight, flight or freeze”. When we are in this stressed state the nervous system takes over in order to get us to safety. However, when we are chronically stressed and in defense, the biochemistry of our systems makes it nearly impossible to connect to our capacity for kindness. We are temporarily cut off from our natural caring.
Our nervous system has intelligently organized itself to get us out of danger and once we are safe to switch us back into rest, digest, and social engagement. It’s normal and healthy for our nervous systems to switch between activation and settling. Unfortunately, we are in a survival state so much of the time due to our current lifestyle. We might feel like we don’t have enough time or resources, that our environment is under threat of survival. We might casually read about extreme violence and atrocities happening on the other side of the world or in our own backyards while we sip our morning coffee. Our systems are constantly overwhelmed by perceived threats.
In order to tune into our capacity for kindness, we must first find ways to be kind to our own deeply feeling bodies. We need to find ways of settling our nervous systems on a regular basis in order to keep returning home to our basic goodness and desire to be kind. When we can bring our nervous systems back into healthy regulation we can settle into our very human desire to be kind- to ourselves, to each other, and to the earth.
When you next notice that you are caught up in unkind thoughts or actions, rather than judging yourself you might like to pause and ask your body how it’s feeling. Is there a part of you that is feeling unsafe or overwhelmed?
We all have our own ways of settling our nervous systems. Sometimes, simply by acknowledging that we are feeling unsettled can create a shift. Our bodies are all so unique and it’s useful to explore different practices of settling to find what works best for you. We all have practices we already use - whether we are aware of it or not - that help our nervous systems settle. Choosing to come back to these practices when we know we are being pushed into a stress response is the most important step we can take in expanding our capacity for kindness.
Here are a Few More Practices You Might Like to Explore in Your Journey of Creating a Kinder World:
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Breathe. The breath is intimately linked with the nervous system. By paying attention to the breath, counting the breath, or consciously slowing it down we can invite a softening and settling.
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Move. Any kind of movement will discharge excess energy that can build up when we enter a stressed state. This doesn’t need to be vigorous movement - even walking or shaking can help your body discharge and settle back into safety and ease.
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Be in nature. Being in the wider space of the natural world, placing our feet on the earth, and breathing with the trees, allows us to drop into the experience of being supported.
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Ask for help. We are in this together. Our connection to a supportive community is what nurtures our natural tendency for kindness and care.
About the author:
Anisha fell in love with yoga in 2006, when she took her first class and understood this was an intimate language of movement that her body understood. Yoga became her personal medicine and practice of coming home to herself and her body. She took her first Yoga Teacher Training in 2015 and has been sharing the gift of Yoga throughout Asia since.
Her teachings draw on her background in Classical Hatha Yoga, Yoga Therapy, Somatic Vinyasa, Biodynamic Yin, Yoga Nidra and Meditation, and Self-Inquiry. She compassionately encourages students to remember who they are and experience the bliss of awakening and falling in Love with oneself.
Originally born in Canada, but fascinated with the wisdom traditions of the Eastern world, her travels eventually landed her in Bali, which she now calls home. You can contact anisha in here: anisha.rajguru@gmail.com .
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